i really have nothing worthwhile to say right now. we put the tree up for liam and are trying to get some lights outside for him as well. my heart just isn't in it. i have been going to work and trying to stay busy - staying up late at night so sleep will come quickly when i finally lay my head down. it just doesn't make sense and is so unfair. i look at other young women whose babies are due and see their excitement and their joy and their plans and all i can think of is my sweet daughter and her family and the unbearable pain they are experiencing. i contrast the experience of women who knew mid-way through their pregnancies that the outcome would be devastating. several months of grieving, anger and confusion don't make letting go any easier when the time finally comes to say goodbye but at least they had time to prepare. or not prepare. i can't fathom this for my daughter. christmas will just be something to get through this year. liam will make us laugh and will make us happy at times. but we'll still just be getting through. i can't pray right now because i know my prayers don't change God's mind. everything is up to Him and out of our control.
i want a baby in a basket on my daughter's doorstep. she has such a heart. dreams. heartache.
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I want you to know that my heart aches for you and your daughter and the rest of your family. I can relate to the pain of the loss, but not to the suddenness with which little Sydney was taken. I don't know why God chose to allow me time to prepare my heart, while He allows others to be blind sighted by the loss. I will never know, but I will hurt along side with you and pray for you.
Angie
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