true love waits.....

what a blessing to be able to express your deepest emotions and feelings as you grieve. what a blessing to have the ability to show your vulnerability and honesty in front of the whole world.

what a blessing not to feel judged.

anyone who has studied the grieving process is aware of the stages of grief that everyone must pass through. the anger, bitterness, questioning and frustration are all part of it. yes, there are some who have the ability to hide behind a plastic smile in an attempt to convince all who approach that everything is fine. i'm fine. really. there are others who have had such an upbringing that their questions are but an aside to how they are viewing the tragic event they are experiencing - they have confidence and knowledge and a complete understanding of the workings of God. they memorize scripture and read the bible fervently every day. they KNOW how to find joy even in the most desperate of circumstances. and then there are those who struggle to understand and find joy but because they claim Him and His promises, they don't give up the struggle. eventually they become stronger and more faithful and more obedient.

i am so glad our God understands the depths of our grief. i am so grateful that He knows where we come from and where we are and that He loves us right there. i am so glad He is big enough to take whatever we dish out. i am so glad He doesn't judge our anger and bitterness and even our questions. i am so grateful He just waits. patiently. for our return to what we KNOW to be the truth and what we KNOW to be our hope.

people don't know what to say. sometimes, they say the wrong things. more times than not they say the right things. the knowing ones simply say i am sorry. they don't offer platitudes or triteness. they just say they care and love and pray. i am so grateful for the presence of these people, some strangers, in our lives.

we can only be who we are. we aren't prolific in our prose or profound in our understanding. we have nothing to offer anyone else in this journey. sorry. we are still learning. and growing.

and God still waits on us. for that i am grateful.