fleeting....

does a mother's heart ever stop hurting for her children? it seems not. i am thinking so much of alyssa these days. it seems that so many of her friends who have experienced the loss of a baby are pregnant and happily, if not a little fearfully, looking forward to welcoming a new addition to their families. they have had showers and decorated nurseries and ordered birth announcements - grateful that these pregnancies have gone forth without a hitch - without a negative test result or the devastating, unsuspecting words from their doctors that something is terribly wrong. they have held their breath and then gradually allowed themselves to hope and believe and embrace that which was so fleeting a year or two years or perhaps several months ago.

for alyssa it will be so different. there will be no ultrasound or doctor's appointment after which she will breathe a sigh of relief. for all of her doctor's visits were normal. every examination, every 3-D picture indicated a healthy, beautiful baby who was growing and thriving right on schedule, nestled safely within her womb. even up until the last night when alyssa handed out invitations to her baby shower at her bible study, sydney was active and kicking - a healthy 8 month fetus. the doctors examination and ultrasound of only 48 hours earlier detected no problems - only a beautiful baby who looked just like her big brother.

so, if she is fortunate enough to become pregnant again, she will be as guarded and as anxious as all of her friends have been. but i think it will be hard for her to consider names or wall hangings or baby clothes - or perhaps even showers given by well-meaning friends. because even when things seem to be going absolutely right, things can go so very wrong so very quickly.

i don't know how she will do it. but if God gives her the chance, i know she will try. because her hope is not based on what she so desperately desires but on what He desires for her.