..........

i cried for sydney grace today......

"losing your life" (from the o'brien family)

read these words of a woman who lost a newbornbaby last year. she counseled ANOTHER grieving mother: "Your son has given you an incredible gift," I told this grieving mom. "He has given you the gift of being forced to reconsider the very purpose of your life. Those who are sailing through a comfortable life at this point have not yet been forced to carefully consider their lives and surrender their dreams. But because you have been shaken to the core, you see clearly that if you cling to your own plans and desires, you will never discover freedom and joy found in losing your life for Jesus."

now go to her blog and read the november 14th post. it is uplifting!

http://obrienfamily2008.blogspot.com/

testing 1.2.3.....

hope in Him. not in circumstances..............

hope differently.............................................

hope differently.............................................

hope differently.....

kind of ironic. but not so. my turn to teach yesterday. the lesson was about....hope. hmm....

so the angel comes to mary and tells her she is pregnant with the messiah. we talked about engagements and weddings. all the planning and scheduling. the jewish traditions in biblical times. i even brought my engagement notice that was in the local newspaper 37 years ago - complete with 70's poofy hair-flip. we all agreed that mary's life took an unexpected turn. was she giddy with excitement - jumping for joy? did people come up and high-five her and slap her on the back and say "so, YOU'RE the one pregnant with the messiah? way to go, mary!". hardly.

and what was mary's response? "i'm your servant, Lord."

even though mary's plans changed drastically - even though everything about her life and the direction it was going to take was completely out of her control - her response was "i'm your servant, Lord". basically, the lesson was about mary exchanging her hopes and expectations for hope in HIM. i asked the students if they had had disappointing christmases - christmases when their hopes and expectations were not met. i expected and got a couple of typical responses. "i ran downstairs and saw a bicycle and was so excited until i was told it wasn't for me but for my sister" or "i desperately wanted a motorized pink barbie car but my mom told me it wouldn't fit down the chimney. then i went outside and the little girl who lived next door had a barbie car that fit down HER chimney!"

but the first response came from a young lady who, in a strong voice, told us that one christmas a few years back she found out on christmas day that her father, who lived in another state, had died 2 days before. her mother had kept it from her and her sister but when they begged to call him after opening presents, their mom broke the news to them. talk about unmet expectations.

i thought about some of my own 'barbie cars" and "bicycles". my hopes had always been that our adult children would live in the same town and grandchildren would have weekly sleepovers at our house and go to the same church and can you say "goodnight, johnboy"? my expectations recently had been that my adult children would continue to be interested in any little jewel of conversation i would toss out, that they would desperately covet the opportunity to view MY travel pictures, and that they would continue to revel in late-night talks about sports, politics and just life in general. after keeping our one and two-year-old granddaughters during this thanksgiving i came to the sudden realization that THEIR focus could not/should not be ME! imagine! they are tired, but happy, and parenting and working requires all the energy and attention that they can muster 24/7.

so, as the lesson progressed and i glanced at the clock to make sure we finshed up in a timely manner, i casually called attention to the calendar date and the fact that it was the one year anniversary of.......

the students sat silently, waiting, curious as my voice shook and my eyes watered. not planned. totally caught off-guard. this new group of students WAS not aware of the last year's struggles and, while i didn't want to belabor our own situation, i thought it was relevant enough to touch on. i told the story briefly and then, with a passion i have never recognized, i pounded my fist on the podium and in a strong voice asked the students if they were ready to "exchange" any hope they had in their life for hope in HIM. exchanging hope for a desired christmas present paled in comparison to exchanging hope for healing cancer in a parent, hope for a call from an estranged father or even hope for an uneventful pregnancy, a safe delivery and a healthy baby. hope in something/Someone BIGGER rather than hope in their circumstances.

the curriculum itself spelled out the main points. pertinent scripture was assigned and read by willing students. i researched and contributed relevant information about biblical jewish customs and traditions. and i was in awe throughout the sunday school hour that God knew that i would be teaching this lesson on this particular sunday even after a tiring week with babies and a melancholy goodbye early that very morning as my son and his family backed out of the driveway and headed home.

i had so hoped to be with alyssa on this particular day. but it didn't work out that way. God.

after the sunday school hour, in "big church" as i knealt at the altar as close to the LOUD, powerful worship music as i could get and prayed for alyssa and the students in my class i got it. i taught it and i got it.

exchange your hopes for hopes in Him. hope differently.